Being upfront (How to say no I can’t afford it !)
My personal view with family and friends is to be upfront about what you can and can’t afford wherever you feel okay to do so. If you have a partner encourage them to talk to their family and fireinds too. If you can have that uncomfortable converstaion about how now you have a little one your funds are limited and you aren’t going to be able to spend money like you used to that will make a big difference. Once it’s said its out there and smaller gifts, refusals for meals out et. will /should be met with understanding.
Not buying gifts at all or never socialising can make others feel uncared about. Money is not the spice of liffe thought is..so passing on an appropriate book you have read as a gift or a bunch of flowers from your garden can mean a great deal. Inviting friends to yours for a big pot of soup after a winter walk is lovely and costs no where near the same as a night out. Pop your thinking cap on…doing something is always better received than doing nothing,
When you can’t say…..
If the friendship is too new or lacks the depth necessary for you to be able to say you are skint then stock up on excuses and make sure they aren’t time linited.
e.g If your answer to an invite out is ‘I am busy that day’ it will just result in another day being offered. Instead say ‘Oh I much prefer to cook myself and invite everyoine to yours, making a course each.
e.g Instead of saying that the swimming course was full when you tried to enrol your child say something like we are currently thinking we’d prefer to teach her ourselves
eg Rather than aplologising for your gift to them saying it’ll be bigger next time state proudly that you have put lots of thought into this gift and you truly hope they like it.
Good luck! and please remember if someone falls out with you because you have little money they were probaly never worth your energy in the first place..
Habits are formed over time. As many women have children later in life we are increasingly used to having and spending money and being able to purchase luxury items from our disposable income. Perhaps a magazine, take out coffee, sandwich deals at lunch time, new dress because we have a night out. We need to learn new habits and a new mantra if we are going to stay out of debt as budgeting parents,
Parenting by its very nature reduces cash. There is another mouth to feed who needs ‘stuff’ too. If you don’t go back to work you lose your income. If you work part time you reduce your income and need some childcare costs. If you work full time you have a lot of childcare costs.
Whatever you do your finances are not usually positively enhanced by having a little one. There are other bonuses and these are important to hold on to.
‘ No’ is such a short little word to say and it can keep you out of a whole heap of trouble. But it is hard.
You have a train journey to take and the trains delayed, you want a latte and magazine to keep you warm and occupied. Telling yourself no isn’t easy how are you going to manage this?
- It’s a lot easier to say no if you come prepared; a flask and a library book can make a huge difference to avoiding spending on takeaway coffees and magazines.(BE PREPARED)
- Think about what you could do with the money you don’t spend. Create a vision in your head of doing something more necessary with it, perhaps buying tonight’s tea…what meal could you make for £5? Let your mind drift and keep occupied/distracted that way. (REFOCUS THE MONEY)
- Buy a newspaper instead. These are cheaper will stop you being bored. (HAVE A CHEAPER ALTERNATIVE)
You are feeling bit rubbish. It’s winter your baby is waking at odd times and you are feeling a bit run down. You so want a manicure, pedicure, hair do to make yourself a bit more attractive and to perk you up.
- Just say a big no to the beautiicans! Doing your own nails or having a friend do them is the way forward. Get a book about home beauty out of the library. Or chat to a good friend who you know does their own nails and see if they will do yours. Maybe you could help them by babysitiing in return? You will still feel great and pampered just not POOR too! (ALTERNATIVWES)
- Delve into a box of treats and pick me ups you have created for yourself. Fill it with 99p face packs, a little bath bomb, perhaps a little hair slide, a DVD you have been meaning to watch and a magazine someone gave that you have saved specially. Feelings of yuckiness often pass after a little session of self care. It really doesn’t need to cost much (Be PREPARED)
- Work out what that hairdo and manicure and new clothes shop would have set you back had you indulged it. Because you didn’t what can you now use that money for, is your MOT due? does your credit card need paying?(REFOCUS THE MONEY)
No can seem like a little, mean, bad, horrid, pesky, word but saying it loud and proud can make the difference between worries and stress about debt and being a happier more relaxed parent who feels in control.
Be prepared, refocus the money and have an alternative option so you don’t feel deprived.